Introducing Delete-Everything Verifiably Null Universally Lossy Logarithm Encryption

Every few generations, humanity is lucky enough to live through a breakthrough moment. Today is that moment.

We’re happy to announce the strongest encryption algorithm ever conceived: Delete-Everything Verifiably Null Universally Lossy Logarithm, or DEVNULL for short.

DEVNULL is remarkably simple in nature yet extremely effective at protecting data. In fact it’s so secure that once you use it your data will be forever “protected” from everyone, including yourself.

DEVNULL works by taking your data and applying a sophisticated form of encryption commonly known as “discarding”. And by that we mean deleting it instantly. We have thoroughly tested DEVNULL, and we can confirm it is 100% effective against hackers, attackers, and spies. Not even you will be able to access your data. It’s just that strong!

The best features of DEVNULL are outlined below:

  • No one will ever get your data, not even you, because we delete it instantly.
  • Simplified user interface. All ‘Save’ and ‘Send’ buttons replaced with ‘Delete’.
  • Super fast because it just deletes what you wrote.
  • Ultimate security – nobody can get your data because it does not exist.
  • Our server never sees (or receives) anything.
  • Forgot your password? No problem, nothing is in your inbox anyway.
  • Great for our server scaling, as DEVNULL has an infinite compression ratio.
  • Enjoy up to 100 TB of free account storage.
  • Automatically extends the EU’s ‘right to be forgotten’ to your emails.

The steam engine. The Internet itself. And now DEVNULL. This is one of the great moments in history, and understandably we’ve gotten a few questions from the community. We’ve created a FAQ to answer the most common questions:

Who thought this was a good idea?
The genius who came up with DEVNULL prefers to remain anonymous within our organization to avoid overwhelming celebrity. DEVNULL is a selfless gift to the world.

Can I use DEVNULL at work?
With DEVNULL, you’ll spend much less time checking your email. Contact our sales team if you think DEVNULL for business is right for your workplace.

Is DEVNULL open-source? Can we use it for our project?
DEVNULL is open source and free for the world to use. Its simplicity is truly remarkable:

userData >> /dev/null

If you would like to join the DEVNULL beta, just post a tweet stating how you would use DEVNULL with the hashtag #aprilfools. Then we’ll send you an email using DEVNULL with installation instructions. If you do not receive the email, it means the encryption is working.

Best Regards,
The ProtonMail Team

About the Author

Admin

We are scientists, engineers, and developers drawn together by a shared vision of protecting civil liberties online. Ensuring online privacy and security are core values for the ProtonMail team, and we strive daily to protect your rights online.

 

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